My Pregnancy

I fell pregnant many years ago.

No words can describe the feeling you get when you’re told you finally have the opportunity to carry one of your greatest desires. That it was implanted within your belly, a place that would be its sanctuary, it’s home. This is where it would move from being a mere seed to being an entire being who lives and breathes.

A place of overflowing sustenance and nourishment where the tools of its destiny would be given; pearls of wisdom woven into its blood stream and paths to its life would be constructed. I was told that I was going to be a mother, that another being’s entire existence would be solely based on my ability to commit to my new role despite what may come my way. I was told that it would require strength from me that my own mind can not even comprehend and that even in such moments I’d have to keep moving if I wanted to see my child come to life.

This meant that I had to choose to sacrifice all that I new myself to be in order to give it life. I had to divorce myself from all habits I’d become married to over the years and cultivate relationships with new ones. There were times where I would have to take a fewer breathes to give it enough air to breathe. Where I’d have to stay up all night and tend to it’s desperate cries. And when it looked like it would not survive, I’d have to give parts of my life so it could have its own.

I gave my entire body.

My entire existence.

I saw my old self fade away as it grew slowly but surely. Moments came when I wanted to give up. When all that was around and within me craved to collapse yet the heartbeat, a clear symbol of a relentless will to live, kept me going.

When the time to deliver finally came I felt as though I no longer had strength left in me. The journey had been a tumultuous one and had left me utterly exhausted. With each contraction my soul felt as though it would explode together with my body that was housing this creature. Each breathe felt like a step closer to death.

I wanted to give up.

But the thought of losing the life that I housed for so long was too much to bear. So I kept pushing. Kept digging for strength within the core of my existence.

Then finally after what felt like a lifetime..I heard the first cry.

The sign of what I’ve been waiting for my entire life,taking it’s first breathe.

A breathe of life.

A breathe that says all my sacrifices have come to this.

A breathe that says I have conquered.

I have made it.

A silent message saying Well Done.

And a gentle “Thank you for not giving up”.

Then finally, I looked deep into her eyes and smiled for I knew in that moment that she was called

“Purpose”.

She was My Purpose.